Change the Way You Talk To Yourself

“You are so clumsy…can’t do anything properly!”

“What a fool you have made of yourself!”

“I knew you couldn’t do it. What a loser you are!”

“She/he is so beautiful/intelligent/smart/successful. And look at you? A complete zero.”

Do these statements sound familiar? Rings a bell, doesn’t it? I think you will recognize them as some things you have told yourself at some time or other. Yes, these are a part of the self-talk we carry on all the time with our self in our minds.

Communication within our mind is unfortunately mostly on these patterns. Self depreciating, criticizing, accusatory, our talk with ourselves is never encouraging. This is primarily because most of us suffer from poor self images.

Low self confidence and constant comparison with others are a deadly cocktail we brew in our minds, leading us to be unduly harsh on ourselves. Can you remember when was the last time you actually patted yourself on your back for something? Chances are long back or never. Most of the time when our inner voices are speaking to us, they are speaking in negative tones.

Needless to say, this talk is very damaging to our self confidence and self image. It is actually a vicious circle: poor confidence leads to negative self talk and vice versa.

Constant negative self-talk is extremely damaging to our esteem, leading to inferiority complex and depressive tendencies. Research shows that depression is a result of repeated exposure to negative thoughts and ideas. You feed your mind negativity and you breed negativity. The result is that you feel miserable about yourself, lose confidence in your abilities and feel you are good for nothing. All this leads to low self esteem and consequently, severe social and psychological problems.

Why not change the tone of this self-talk? Why not think positive and speak in more encouraging tones to yourself? It is not that difficult, trust me. All you have to do is to build up a robust self image.

So let’s try to change the way we talk to ourselves!

As a starter, do this exercise:

ü  Write down five good things about yourself. For eg., “I am a good conversationalist.” Or “People like me for my amiable nature.” Or “My sense of humour is great.”

ü  Write down five positive experiences in the recent past, where your contribution was significant. For eg., “When we went on the picnic last month, it was my resourcefulness that saved the day.” Or “The way I collected data for our college project, it was really incredible.”

ü  Write down five positive comments of others appreciating your capabilities.

ü  Write down the names of ten friends and well wishers you have.

ü  Keep this list pasted on your desk or on the mirror, or any place where it is easily visible. The idea is to keep reminding yourself of your positive qualities.

ü  Tell yourself one positive thing in the morning. Like “My family loves me so much.” Or “I have a lovely dog who adores me.” Or “My best friend is a real support.”

ü  Consciously avoid comparing yourself with others. Even if you do compare, think about what is good in you. Think about what you have that the other person doesn’t.

It is a tough job changing long held habits, and altering the script of your conversation with yourself will not happen overnight. You need to work on developing an overall positive attitude and outlook that will lead to more encouraging thoughts.