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Have you noticed, that as you grow old, you and your companion (spouse/partner/sibling) increasing sound and behave like one another? Maybe it has something to do with the influence of company, or maybe people do change and adapt to each other in such a way that they adopt the other's characteristics and make them their own. Take food choices for example. The hubby was a rigid Bengali, fixed in his culinary tastes with a penchant for all things Bengali. I was more cosmopolitan in my choice of food. Now after 16 years of marriage, he prefers to have matar paneer, garlic prawn and biriyani, while I look forward to shukto and mocha ghonto. Once a confirmed Chinese foodie, he now digs kebabs and tikkas, while I happily gorge Chinese fare at restaurants. Why, I now prefer to cook garlic chicken to chicken cooked in Indian style. Or lifestyle choices. A couple I know has adjusted to each other so much that the husband doesn't even remember that he was a late riser not so lon

Going on a vacation? Wow! Lovely! You are sure to have a lot of fun. Sunny beaches, lush mountains, heritage sites, or rolling meadows and green forests, a holiday to any one of these is just what the doctor ordered to beat the stress of regular life. Sit back and relax or go adventuring, its your call. You are going to have a great time, right? Wrong! Because you need to stay somewhere and what you see is hardly what you get in holiday stays. Pardon me for cribbing, but all those rosy pictures painted by websites and travel brochures usually are just that - rosy pictures. Lets do a reality check of all the marketing hype around places to stay: "Serene, calm, cozy resort in the midst of lush green forests that are abundant with flora and fauna" usually turns out to be a bunch of huts in the middle of nowhere, devoid of any amenities, where spending a night tackling power-cuts and mosquito bites turns out to more of an adventure than the forest trail  "3-star fa

Autumn has a melancholic feel about it. Especially the long evenings. Twilight fading away brings with it a strange kind of sadness and nostalgia. You almost unconsciously begin to think about days gone by, lost friends, forgotten experiences... Maybe it has something to do with the weather and changes in nature. The crisp slightly chilly wind blowing around, the long, starry nights, the stillness when fans stop whirring, and the heaps of dried leaves on the ground, all come together to create nostalgia and melancholy. How can one forget Keats' memorable lines in his "Ode to Autumn"? I quote: " Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find   Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,   Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;   15 Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep," Yes, there is a strange languidness associated with this season.... A desire to lie back and watch as nature changes hues, seems overpowering.  In India, autumn ushers in the

I don't know if this happens with everybody, but there come certain times when I feel I don't really belong in this world. A total disconnect is what I feel. I should have been born about a century back, when things were better suited to my mentality. Maybe its just old age catching up with me....maybe my way of thinking has become outdated. Like all peevish old people I start finding fault in everything around me. I find people flippant, values eroded and culture eroded. Modern writing appalls me, movies disgust with their content, and the less said about current music the better. Since everything cannot be bad, I am sure the problem is with me. I have become old, and am at the wrong end of the generation gap. Another feeling is that of total detachment in all relationships, barring the one with my child. I feel alone, and betrayed. No, there is no earth-shattering reason for feeling this way, it is just I have got sick of all relationships. I feel I have given too much an

Bengal's favourite festival, Durga Puja is just over. In Kolkata this time, it was spread over a week instead of the regular 3-4 days. An outburst of celebration and gaiety marked the festival in the city. It was as if everyone was determined to have a good time, and cock a snook at sadness, despair and hopelessness.  Which is not such a bad thing really. Festivals are after all meant to spread joy and cheer. Except that the gaiety came across sometimes as forced and overpowering. Microphones blaring, people thronging the streets, incessant sales and buying sprees and in-your-face celebrating, at times it was rather irritating. The media played its role in creating a feverish pitch and hype, with emphasis on how much you plan to indulge yourself during the festival. What? You are not planning to let go of all routine and normal work? You have not bought at least twenty sets of clothes, shoes and accessories to deck yourself to the T? You have not undergone cosmetic makeovers

The illness of a loved one affects us in a more severe manner than we care to acknowledge. We cannot escape the surrounding gloom and despondency. Can we do something to alleviate the pain, can we be of some help to the ailing person, is all we can think about. Whether it is our parents, spouse or child, I think a loved one suffering is as bad as suffering illness myself. We all know that our parents have to go one day, yet that imminent event fills us with dread and despair. How will we cope with the loss? How can we survive without the guidance and blessing of someone above us? What can we do to delay the going away? Are we doing enough? At such times there seems to be no other choice but to keep faith and pray. We need to look deep within to find reserves of strength to cope with troubling times. And think positive, which is very essential. May God give us the strength to cope with trying times.

So "And There Were None" has been voted the best Christie mystery in a poll conducted by BBC. I knew it! It has been my favourite ever since I devoured it a few years back. It is easily one of the most intriguing, riveting story ever written, by a crime writer or otherwise. Along with a finely detailed plot, it boasts of some interesting character sketches as well. And it harks back to the eternal theme of crime and punishment, of sin and retribution. Somewhere, the story strikes a chord in all of us, as none of us are beyond sinning. Only we thank our stars that we have not sinned as heavily as the characters in the novel, so as to face such terrible annihilation. Also we feel glad to have some iota of guilt in our hearts along with regret, unlike the characters in "And There Were None". Throughout the novel, there is a tussle in our minds: we want the characters to be safe, but we cannot resist the delicious twists and turns. So much so we start expecting the

A housewife's job, as they say, is never done. It goes on 24/7, 365 days a year.  While corporate and other jobs have holidays and weekends, our load increases on these days. Because with others at home, we get busy getting them to enjoy themselves. So we work twice as hard!! What with cooking, cleaning, washing, drying, ironing, making beds, dusting, arranging things, etc. etc., what we really treasure is the rare moments of peace we manage to find out in our non-stop schedules. To ignorant snobs our job is easy - after all we are at home, unemployed, lazying about - what can targets and deadlines mean to us? But only we know the significance of serving hot and delicious meals on time, getting children ready for school, being there for the family when they need us, lending a patient ear to all problems. And while corporate jobs are easily filled with replaceable incumbents, our job is hard to fill up with anyone else but us. As our designations became glamorized to homemake

How do they do it? Again and again? Hollywood is creating new benchmarks in animation, the next surpassing the last. What wonderfully creative ventures that take animation to new levels! Disney Pixar has brought another jewel out of its kitty. Inside Out is an absolute gem of a movie, entertaining, amusing, reflective and thought provoking. Though ostensibly for youngsters, this film has something for everybody, age notwithstanding. After all, the five emotions are universal and create havoc in everyone's mind in the same manner that they do in little Riley's mind. And though Joy tries to dominate, how many times we have been controlled by Anger or Disgust or Fear ? And how many of us actually revel and find solace in Sorrow ? The movie drives home the sweet homily that all emotions need to be in tandem for us to function properly, and even negative emotions are required.  The visual impact is outstanding; we can actually feel the emotions and touch their impact

Rains have an automatic connect with food. When the smell of wet earth and pitter patter of raindrops assail our senses, thoughts immediately go to food. When its tea time, and its raining hard, all we want is steaming chai with piping hot, crisp pakoras. Slices of vegetables like potato, brinjal, onion, capsicum, or palak dipped in batter, and served hot, yummy! Takes the blues away from a dull cloudy evening any day. Or the lets take the ubiquitious khichdi or khichudi as it is called in Bengal. What can be more soul satisfying than a plate of the yellow thick mushy gravy filled rice served with fried vegetable slivers and chutney? A complete meal in itself, khichudi is the ultimate comfort food when the skies open up and rain water clogs streets. And now lets come to the queen of the rains, the hilsa fish. The oily fine-boned, strong flavoured fish, bred in Bengal, is manna for all Bengalis. Fried golden hilsa pieces served with the afore-mentioned khichudi, or smooth delecta

Today was a somewhat momentous day for me - I wore a long skirt after ages. So what's so great about it, you will ask? Nothing, except that I had given up wearing western dresses after college. And that has been quite a long time. For no particular reason, I had decided that I would not wear anything but salwars and churidars, and on special occasions, a saree. No one had said anything; it was just another self-imposed restriction. Probably, because I felt safe in Indian stuff, or because I did not want to attract unwanted attention to myself. I was afraid of being seen as attractive, charming, desirable. And so the conditions persisted. I was hesitant of going against the norm...and against my perceived self-image of a respectable woman. What will people think? This was my response when hubby encouraged me to wear western stuff occasionally after marriage. Then after some years passed, I thought I was too old to wear such things. So here I was, a modern woman, rooted in tra

One of life's greatest pleasures is planning for some future activity that is likely to give us a lot of joy. More than the actual activity, it is the planning and preparing for it that charges our imagination. For example, planning for a trip, preparing for a vacation, planning a picnic or get-together, organizing a movie date or reunion with friends, the anticipation factor kicks us pleasurably. That's probably because there are a lot of factors involved that seem very pleasurable like: Deciding the venue or destination     Finalizing tickets or transport Packing for the trip or picnic Planning the itinerary or program schedule Anticipating reactions Human nature is mostly optimistic and future oriented. We like to think of the days to come as better than those we are currently undergoing. Also the very act of planning gives us a sense of control over the future reality. Things may turn out very different from what we plan, but that does not stop us f

Is it absolutely mandatory to win every argument? To be always proved right? I think sometimes it is better to give in. At the cost of sounding defeatist, I would stress that some arguments are worth losing. Sometimes the rift created by trying too hard to prove yourself right is not worth it. After all, it is my perspective, my perception of a situation and I may be wrong. There is always more than one right way of seeing things. Our perception is severely limited by various factors like personal bias, time, selective views, and attribution. Another point of view may be free from these perceptive factors. So that viewpoint may be more objective, more balanced than mine. When I cannot control my own incorrect or lopsided perceptions, or edit my mental filters, how can I be so sure of always being right? So I argue and defend myself and create dissenters, and go on with sheer lung power or better verbosity to win an argument. I bulldoze others to accept my judgement. But maybe

Darjeeling, the Queen of the Hills in eastern India, enamored me with her undulating peaks, spectacular views and quaint charm. Misty skies and descending, enveloping clouds added to the other-wordly charm of this beautiful hill station. What's not to love in this lovely town? Winding lanes running up and down, dotted with little tea shops and cafes, offering the famed Darjeeling tea and some delicious cakes and snacks, provide succour to tired feet and souls. Sunshine plays hide and seek with dark clouds and thick fog. The local people take the unpredictable weather in their stride. They have grown up in this land, braving nature's hardships and quirks with a smile. When the sun does shine, it bathes the entire ranges and peaks with a glow. It seems heaven has descended on earth. The next moment dark clouds loom and there is a chilly, freezing wind blowing. In this paradise, there are some worldly treats to visit. The Darjeeling zoo, nestled in the Himalayan Mountai

So Women's Day has come and gone with the usual fanfare. Celebrities and whoever is worth anything have pitched in their two bytes about treating women with respect, giving her her due, acknowledging her contributions etc. New age guru Chetan Bhagat even had a word of advice for us - he told us not to take undue pressure on ourselves to be alpha women. So far so good. But the bottom line still remains - have things changed at all for women? Yes, some of us have indeed secured our freedom from shackles of injustice, illiteracy, and unjust expectations. But the majority of Indian women are still miles away from self-reliance. Why, they are even not allowed to take simple decisions for themselves. What they should wear, whom they will talk to, what they will study, when they will return home, is all pre-decided for them. As far as life altering decisions are concerned, they have their fathers/brothers/husbands/sons to decide their fate. And this is not only in rural India, or i

In our zeal to impress prospective employers, we often make some rather avoidable mistakes in our Resume. I have outlined some common errors/redundancies: Omitting the Career Objective The most obvious thing that comes to my mind is not giving a suitable career objective or giving a vague one. You career objective must be to the point, professionally worded and future oriented. Avoid generalizations like "looking forward to working in a progressive company", or "interested in career development" or worse "interested in respectable position". Search inwards and focus on what you wish to achieve through your career, in terms of professional growth and personal development. Not focusing on role achievements Worked in HR Department" or "Assisted in accounts" are too general. Highlight what your contributions were in your term in the organization. For eg., "Led team to achieve the sales target of 100 Cr" or "Streamlin

The menace of cellphones has really become intolerable. Wherever you go, you find people glued to their smartphones, either shouting their lungs out or fiddling incessantly. People are so obsessed that basic manners and concern for others have taken a firm backseat. At movies and theatres, maniac users find mobile fiddling more interesting that what is going on on stage or screen. Despite explicit requests from organizers to keep those damn things switched off, you find half the audience glancing at their mobiles or whispering into them. Granted that whatever they are talking or messaging about is important, surely it must not take away from the enjoyment of the movie or play or concert? And if you are too busy to enjoy it, at least let your neighbours pay attention. Why take away from their pleasure? But as I said, manners have flown out of the nearest window in this smart age. So one has to endure beeps, rings and flashing lights while enjoying a pleasurable performance or havin

Saw the play "Boiled Beans on Toast ", written by Girish Karnad and directed by theatre thespian Lillette Dubey , yesterday. Set in the backdrop of bustling metropolis Bangalore, the Silicon Valley of India, the play shows the underside of development, focusing on the people whom we refer to as the common masses. Away from the limelight, these people form the backbone of the carefree lifestyle the rich and famous lead. The maids, cooks, drivers, salesmen, office clerks, the unsung heroes, who toil away and do the dirty work, while the privileged few can have fun or do more purposeful work. We often forget that these people too have their lives, their private joys, sorrows and concerns, which they suppress in the daily grind of living. Interestingly, along with showing the lives of these "others", Karnad also focuses on the very humane side of some of the privileged class. We assume that they lead carefree lives, but is it really so? They are also bothered by