Breaking free
Today was a somewhat momentous day for me - I wore a long skirt after ages. So what's so great about it, you will ask?
Nothing, except that I had given up wearing western dresses after college. And that has been quite a long time. For no particular reason, I had decided that I would not wear anything but salwars and churidars, and on special occasions, a saree. No one had said anything; it was just another self-imposed restriction. Probably, because I felt safe in Indian stuff, or because I did not want to attract unwanted attention to myself. I was afraid of being seen as attractive, charming, desirable.
And so the conditions persisted. I was hesitant of going against the norm...and against my perceived self-image of a respectable woman. What will people think? This was my response when hubby encouraged me to wear western stuff occasionally after marriage. Then after some years passed, I thought I was too old to wear such things.
So here I was, a modern woman, rooted in tradition and convention, supposedly forward-thinking, yet pulled back by inhibition and doubt. I was my captor, keeping myself under imaginary lock and key.
Today, I have decided to break free from at least one self-inflicted barrier.
Nothing, except that I had given up wearing western dresses after college. And that has been quite a long time. For no particular reason, I had decided that I would not wear anything but salwars and churidars, and on special occasions, a saree. No one had said anything; it was just another self-imposed restriction. Probably, because I felt safe in Indian stuff, or because I did not want to attract unwanted attention to myself. I was afraid of being seen as attractive, charming, desirable.
And so the conditions persisted. I was hesitant of going against the norm...and against my perceived self-image of a respectable woman. What will people think? This was my response when hubby encouraged me to wear western stuff occasionally after marriage. Then after some years passed, I thought I was too old to wear such things.
So here I was, a modern woman, rooted in tradition and convention, supposedly forward-thinking, yet pulled back by inhibition and doubt. I was my captor, keeping myself under imaginary lock and key.
Today, I have decided to break free from at least one self-inflicted barrier.
Comments
Post a Comment