The Bong Creature

There exists a unique tribe of people on this earth: an intellectually superior, culturally advanced, politically enlightened tribe of people, who go by the name of “Bengali”.

If you don’t believe me, just speak to any person from the aforementioned tribe, and you will get a point-to-point analysis on why Bengalis are head and shoulders above any other community, Indian or otherwise.

To say we are proud of our culture and “bangaliana” would be something of an understatement. The true-blue Bengali wears his pride on his sleeve, and shares a general condescending attitude towards people who don’t belong to his tribe, the “Obangali” (all non-Bengalis).

Know what guys? Even among the Bengali tribe, there are some classic stereotypes. Read on to find out…..J

• The “Aantel Bangali”: Well this category covers almost every educated, genteel Bong walking on the face of the earth, irrespective of whether he/she stays in Kolkata or not. Anyone from Manchester to Shanghai, from Hyderabad to Abu Dhabi - any Bengali who has read a bit of Kafka or Sartre, who has seen the cinema of Ghatak or Kurosowa, who has travelled the world a bit - will discourse any and everybody on history, geography, world politics, economics, cinema, literature, contemporary art, you name it. It runs in the Bengali blood, you see. (Aantlami that’s what we call it ::)

• The "Hocche Bangali": It is a mock title given to those who are "probashi" or non-resident Bengali, i.e, those who have been living outside Bengal for generations. These guys are distinguished by their propensity to add a "hocche" to every sentence, a replacement to the Hindi "hai". They are also marked by their loyalty towards the places they have adopted, over Kolkata, and the cultures that they have adopted over Bengali culture. They prefer - horror of horrors, to speak in Hindi at home, call their sons "Beta", and like to eat rotis over rice and fish. Their language is spiked with Hindi words, much to the indignation of their Bengali home-grown counterparts. They also sometimes go without consuming fish for days, something the average Bengali cannot even imagine.

• The "Bheto Banagali": The direct opposite of the "Hocche Bangali", this category lives on rice and fish. He/she will have rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Has a tendency to grow a rather comfortable paunch as a result of all this rice eating. Loves sweets like chomchom, lady keni and pantua, the sweeter the better. They think they embody true Bangaliana, and are the preserver of Bengali culture. They will read and quote Tagore, Jibananda Das, and Sunil Gangopadhyay. They are familiar with every angle of Satyajit Ray's films. They throng the Boi Mela, Literary Meets, Sangeet Festivals, and all kinds of culture festivals in the city. Characterized by a distinctive snoot and a disdain for all things "obangali".

• The New-Age Bengali: Gen Y Bengalis like to project themselves as more cosmopolitan, more tolerant of intrusions to their culture. They like their pizza and shawarma as much as their fish fry and kathi roll. They speak in a kind of mish-mash of English, Hindi and Bengali, with Americanisms thrown in. Often founders or members of rock bands, or food bloggers, or Instagram/Facebook groups.  

They are passionate about causes, and will attend candle-light marches and endorse change campaigns with typical Bengali zeal.                                          

For all their pretensions of being citizens of the global village, they share the essential Bengali trait of snootiness and superior attitude though.                              

• The Hon-Bongs: These are strictly not Bengalis by birth, though they are staunch Bongs by soul. This is the species of born obangalis or non-Bengalis, who have adopted Bengali culture and mannerisms as their own. They speak fluent Bangla, can converse with you on Ray, Ghatak and Tagore, and love to eat bhapa ilish and mishti doi. Wherever they live in the world, their hearts beat only for Kolkata, and all things Bengali.

So this was my rather tongue-in-cheek analysis of Bongs and Wannabe Bongs. Do you want to add to the list? 

Warning: Strictly for humour purposes though…. to be taken with a pinch of lebu and nun!