Excerpt from my story - Can I Wash Off the Shame?

Its an open secret that the education system in India is in a mess. Examinations are still considered the touchstone of a student's worth. Relentless suicides and the running away of young children from home under academic pressure, have not been able to dent our obsession with marks. The IITs and IIMs are still Meccas for the middle class, and getting into them means enrolling their child in coaching factories in Kota. Doesn't matter whether they can cope or opt to tie a noose around their neck.

How does a otherwise good student deal with this pressure to excel, particularly when her performance has not been to her satisfaction? How does parental scrutiny and censure hit a young vulnerable mind?

This excerpt from my story will give an idea:

Excerpt from Can I Wash Off the Shame?

Ma and Dad were making such a big deal about the ICSE results, she was really worried. She – their only child, the sole flagbearer of their ambitions, what if she didn’t perform that well and did just averagely?

What if they got terribly disappointed?

She didn’t know what had struck her in the exam hall. Staring at the paper for eternity, she couldn’t complete most of the exams. Every exam, she kept reading and re-reading the paper, then writing and scratching out. No answer seemed good enough. Then. when the last ten minutes were announced, she rushed to write like a maniac. What had gone wrong?

She had always aced the school exams, what went wrong in the Board exams?

Suddenly, she lost her appetite.

Switching on the TV, she sat with a thud. The national channel was broadcasting some minister’s speech. Her mind flew as the TV droned on.

“Hello, my princess! How are we today?” Dad came out of the bathroom, all cheerful and sunny. Why was everyone in such high spirits today?

“Hmm, okay Papa. Just a little nervous.”

“Nervous? Nonsense! What is there to be nervous about? My topper girl, the most intelligent in the class, the one who will make the school proud, what has she to be nervous about?”

Just that, Diya thought wryly. The damn load of expectations.

The phone started ringing with an annoying loudness. It was jangling on her nerves.

“Hi Diya, D-day has come, finally! When are you coming to see the results? I’ll go with you only.” Her friend Kapil was calling her.

“Umm, it’s too hot now, na? I’ll go in the afternoon, I think…”

Her father interrupted, “What? Why in the afternoon? The result sheet is on the school notice board already. I had asked Ganeshan to check it, and he confirmed.”

Diya groaned inwardly. What was the need for Dad to get his subordinate involved? That means most of his office staff knew about this too. Ugh..

More cause for tension. Soon there would be discreet enquiries from sundry office colleagues of Dad, about how bitiya had performed, how many papers did she get distinction in, whether she’s in the top three, etc. etc.

And where was Ma? Diya had a sudden urge to hide in the folds of her mother’s saree, like she used to in childhood.

As if on cue, her mother entered with the puja thali and put a tika on her forehead.

“Here, take this prashad, beta. Gave puja in your name at the Laxmi Narayan temple. I have vowed to feed all devotees next Monday if you top the exams.” Ma announced with a big grin.

Good Lord! Everyone was just obsessed with results and marks here. This had almost become a life and death issue.

Diya pretended to be nonchalant and casual.

But behind the bravado, she felt very scared. What if she disappoints them big time? How would her parents take the blow? What would they say to the “well-meaning” relatives?

She felt sick all of a sudden and rushed to the bathroom. Then she realized she was sweating all over, and her throat had become parched. Holding on to the edges of the washbasin to steady herself (as the world seemed to suddenly spin), she took deep gasps of breaths to calm herself.

#ExamPressure #BoardExamResults #ParentsofStudents #StudentLife #AcademicPerformance